September 2022

I will concede, as I tap away at this blog from my bed on a Friday evening, having worked an extraordinarily long week (and expecting to have to throw in several more hours down the graphic design mines tomorrow), that it's possible I am doing TOO MUCH.

One of the many lingering, ominous feelings I have, is that I've got rubbish at being a friend. I am so lucky to have so many friends and I love them all. I like people. I like thinking about my friends and celebrating their successes and laughing at their jokes and sitting quietly in the same room as them while we chill out and do our own tasks. But somehow going OUT and being SOCIAL has become achingly exhausting and I do it now probably about 20% as much as I did pre COVID. I worry that this is the road to losing friends in the long run, but I'm struggling to be better right now. Sorry pals. Anyway, I DID do some social stuff, like going out for a wonderful dinner with my friends Heidi and Rosie at Mallow near Borough Market (I thought it was GREAT but they both ordered the same thing and thought it was a bit rubbish, oh well)

I bought a new desk work stool at the end of last month, but I regret to inform you, new stool is BAD. Or maybe new stool is in fact, good?! But everything else about my desk setup is incompatible with it because it's too tall, which means it's bad and I probably wasted my money, but I'm keeping it because I like it in THEORY and hope one day it might be useful?!

Got the free face mask from Lush, the minty one, not sure if it does anything good, but I like the process

Met a new Borrow My Doggy friend — he's a beautiful boy but he's naughty. I hope we'll see him again but I've been so busy we haven't had the chance to hang out more than twice! He's a similar form factor to Chase but much skinner, which is kind of disconcerting.

Please

Had a meeting at the RSA, ooooh. They have lovely stairs n floors n stuff

'lol' / 'oh well'

Obviously an entirely helpful brain function when one is extremely tired and over-worked is to lie awake thinking about those things in the early hours of the morning. (More about exactly WHY I have bitten off more than I can chew later)

Back when I had NOT bitten off more than I could chew, I volunteered to lead my local Quaker Meeting House's contribution to the London Open Houses Festival. The Open Houses festival is basically a couple of weeks (or weekends) where all sorts of normally private cool buildings in London open their doors to the public. Part of the current Wandsworth Quaker Meeting House were built in 1778, and it's a building and plot of land with a lot of super interesting history. We opened for two Saturdays, and I organised all the volunteers and was generally 'in charge' during the times we were open, which was kind of stressful! But the Quakers are always lovely and it was nice to spend the two days sitting in a lovely building on the last warm-ish days of the year, chatting with interesting and interested folks. (I made a very tiny flower display out of the absolute last flowers of the year in the garden)

And here's me trying to remember the names of my many new F/friends — though I attended this Quaker meeting for a few months when I first moved to London in September 2019, I mostly kept myself to myself — then I entirely stopped going during the pandemic, and after Charlie died I was too upset to do 'God stuff' for a long time. But I've started going again recently and I am trying to actually be part of the community there now.

Several months ago, willing Samaritans were briefed on the Queen's inevitablly imminent demise (they assured us they didn't know she was going to die soon, but I don't think they'd have briefed us if they didn't have a sense of things maybe being upcoming...) 

I'm mostly in the 'abolish the monarchy' camp and couldn't care less about the Queen dying, but I figured this made me relatively well placed to support mourners in a Samaritans capacity, given that I myself wouldn't be in any way emotional.

I believe volunteers in the floral garden had a lot of meaningful contacts, likewise volunteers who were meeting mourners leaving the lying in state area, and those in the accessible queue found many people greatly in need of emotional support. But I joined the main part of the queue, before it started moving, which meant it was the keenest, and seemingly, most steeled and actually borderline cheery queen fans were there. Though I had lots of interesting conversations, there was no one who I'd really describe as SAD, the whole thing actually had quite festival vibes to it, like people were queuing for a sporting event or something.

It was definitely an interesting thing to be part of, and I know the Samaritans did provide a lot of support to people over those 10 days, just maybe not me specifically, oh well!

I haven't been cycling much this month and I feel bad about it. I didn't draw a diary about it but I got slammed off my bike in the middle of a junction by an errant JustEat courier on an electric bike in early September. He was totally in the wrong, which I guess is heartening, but still meant I was the one who ended up lying on the tarmac being picked up by passers by, while he happily cycled off. I wasn't really injured — scraped hand, massive bruises all down my hip and leg, plus achey for days, but really nothing major... And my bike was fine. But, perhaps unsurprisingly, it's put me off. Cycling was already an adrenaline filled experience for me, and having — less than two months into doing it regularly — already been hit off my bike despite doing nothing wrong, it's hard to summon up the desire to do it when I could just, y'know, get a GLORIOUS TRAIN. Plus it's getting colder, and rainier. But I do have this lovely bike, so I am really trying to force myself to do it as often as I can, I just wish it wasn't so damn scary.

(Anyway this is just a drawing about the stupid faces I pull while cycling)

Me and Heidi went to see Teebs with the London Contemporary Orchestra, at the Southbank Centre! Last time I saw Teebs was in a damp basement in Manchester and it was all glittery beats and dreams of LA nightclubs. This was a much more elegant, sedate affair, with precisely zero beats and lots of soaring strings, while seated in big comfortable chairs. I miss beats but I don't miss standing. I guess this is what it means to be old. (Artwork inspired by Teebs' own paintings)

Me and my partner alternate the weeks of shopping. They insist on doing theirs with Ocado. I use Sainsburys because Ocado suuuuuuuucks

"And we'll all remember what we did on this momentous day" — well I will, because I did a stupid drawing about it, same as I do every day

When I first met my partner, I was both horrified and impressed by their meticulous use of Google Calendar to run every aspect of their life. Now I too am that person, though neccesity rather than desire. (I am into it though) I feel like I've done a few visual diaries like this, because I kind of love how it looks.

One of my favourite boardgames (well, card games really) is Arboretum. I almost never win and yet somehow I'm still obsessed with TRYING.

Self care? I've never heard of her

Travelled up to York to see my faaaaavs — Dav and Justin, and by lucky coincidence, Davey too, all the way from Montana! (We had been planning to hang out in London a few days later, but Davey had to head back to the US early so I was lucky to catch him). This group of people are my ROCK/s and it is depressingly rare that I get to see them all in the same room, so this was a lovely treat. 

The reason I was up north was to table at Leeds zine fair the next day! Had a great time seeing other old friends who I don't get to see often enough (maybe I did okay in that respect this month actually?!), eating goodies and buying zines. (Selling some too, but as always, never really enough to make the whole thing worthwhile financially, but that's not why we do it...)

It was a flying visit though, home the same evening so that I could spend all day Sunday lying still and cuddling my dog, before...

FIRST DAY IN A NEW JOB, WHAAAT

So yeah, hot news for September, got hired as an 'associate lecturer' at LCC where I did my masters. DELIGHTED, frankly, bc I've always kinda wanted to do higher ed teaching, but never thought I'd be smart enough to get there. Am I smart enough now?! Only time will tell!

Associate lecturer is a zero hours role, where basically you're in a 'pool' that people can call upon when needed, so you might or might not actually get any work. I was excited enough to be in that pool, EVEN MORE excited to be invited to teach two afternoons a week on the second year of BA Graphic Media Design course (from now until late January), with a specific focus on Design Activism. (I am also teaching a third afternoon on a cross-course Professional Practices module, which is where I espouse the virtues of things like a really fuckin' organised google calendar)

This was my first day teaching the GMD cohort, and it's a very particular kind of fun. Like really fun but also exhausting?! Emma is a teacher now. Who'da thunk

Monday and Thursday afternoons are BA GMD, and Tuesday afternoons are Professional Practice. In both instances, I am co-teaching rooms of around 50 students with another more experienced tutor, so it's not too stressful (though it is a bit). Love to build a whole new set of paranoias around how I am perceieved by 'the kids' :)

Anyway, THIS is why I have bitten off more than I can chew, this is why I am so busy, this is why I am so stressed, but... it's worth it?! The money is sufficiently good that it's worth dropping everything for, but I also kind of CAN'T drop everything, because, come January, they might not need me any more when all the modules change over, and then it's back to my 1.5 day a week studio role at GFSC and my freelance work. The sensible thing to do in this moment would be to drop some freelance clients, but come January, I might desperately need them. So, I am doing it all, and trying not to burn out in the process. Wish me luck?!

London is beautiful in Autumn. Having a job that actually ties me to the city is starting to make me (finally?!) feel like I deserve to be here. Like I can actually build a home here in the long run. Hell, if they keep hiring me, maybe I could even actually BUY a (small, shit) home (in a few years time). That has NEVER felt possible before, so I do feel a bit glowy inside about it, despite the fact that the economy is crumbling around me as I speak...

(I haven't shared as many drawings as usual this month, mostly because quite a few of them were just shit?! Guess the workload has gotta take its toll somewhere, but I will keep visual diarying no matter what...)