August 2020

August has felt like a contiuation of drifting, albeit maybe a slow drifting towards some kind of way forward, which is positive I guess.

On August 1st, I let myself have my first 'for leisure' train ride since lockdown, a short hop over to Peckham for a friend's birthday gathering in the park there. It ended up being two trains each way because the Overground wasn't running, but *whispers* I'm into it.

Neither of these mainline trains were busy at all, despite it being a Saturday, which I found quite reassuring. 

I made pizza dough from scratch for the first time ever and it was QUITE GOOD. (Also a fun thing to do with housemates)

My days latterly have all followed this extremely chill routine, except now I've swapped 'work out' for 'go for a walk' because LOL at the idea I would ever sustain any kind of exerting physical exercise for any amount of time, despite my best intentions and rapidly expanding waistline.

 

In the hot weather, all the grass in the parks totally dried up, and it seemed like there was LOADS of (mostly litter based) tiny detritus. People have been really bad for littering in the parks this year it seems :(

 

My partner got the bird-themed boardgame 'Wingspan' for their birthday, and we LOVE it.

It got REALLY hot back there. My partner really suffers in the heat, but generally it's my preferred state, so I mostly just try and be supportive of them while actually kind of enjoying it myself. It did get to be a bit much but I still kinnnndaaaa love it (the badness is mostly just the lingering dread of global warming)

 

It's hard for this boy though. Luckily he's old and wise enough now to understand he just needs to lie really still while I repeatedly place fridge-cold towels over him, rather than still trying to bound about like when he was younger.

 

Kind of enjoyed trying to figure out how my new-ish still-developing wardrobe aesthetic works in the heat (quite well actually?!)

 

One thing I've been doing a LOT of is playing Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. I was dubious about it, after Animal Crossing, which is so gentle and meditative and, in some ways, simple to master... I wasn't much enthused about the combat elements of it, and initially found the complete camera mobility really hard to handle, but was quickly won over by the spectacular open-world they've built, and even though I'm still not very adept at any aspect of it which involves having to push the right buttons fast, I have really enjoyed the exploration and puzzle solving aspects of it, plus the adorable cooking mechanic and like a million other tiny delightful details. I highly recommend it if you want something to eat all your free time that will totally distract your mind from everything else out there. I was kinda worried that maybe 2 or 3 (or occasionally 4...) hours a day of computer game was too much, but actually the only thing I was finding myself able to do with that time otherwise was doom-scrolling, and actually on balance both Animal Crossing and Zelda have served as an extremely calming, soothing, distracting presence in my life over this grim, weird period, and I really appreciate them for it. (Oh yeah I suck at fan art btw...)

 

Despite the intense heat, I really felt the need to get out, having barely left the house other than for Charlie toilet trips for a week or more. I decided to strike out alone, on a lovely (albeit only 10 minute) air conditioned train to Putney, where I had a glorious time exploring Fulham Palace's walled botanical garden, and going inside a church for the first time since early March. I normally attend Quaker worship every Sunday, but obviously that's not been happening, and I had missed being in a quiet room and allowing myself the space I allow myself at Quaker church. I guess I should try and do that at home but it's just not the same somehow. There's always a dog to be stroked or a game to be played or work to be done or a meal to be cooked. In a church, whatever form it takes, I can fall still and somehow feel the weight of the thousands of other prayers that have been prayed in that space over the previous decades/centuries. Generally when exploring throughout my life I'd always go into any church and have the briefest moment of silence at least, and this is probably the longest period of time I've ever gone without entering a church of some kind. Which is kinda weird I guess.

Anyway I got to ride the tube home which is another place I often find myself able to be still and calm, and I got to have some sushi, so all in all, a win.

THAT WENT WELL, I thought, let's do it again! (By the way, I am still furloughed and my freelance work was very light this past month, hence all the vaguely dread-filled leisure time...)

I searched out another nice, free garden to explore, and settled upon Chiswick House and Gardens, another short train ride away. However, despite not officially being any hotter than the previous day, the weather felt way more oppresive, to the extent that I could barely stand being outdoors, so I basically walked there, walked across the gardens, got a calippo, and went home again. Was still nice to see a new place though.

I really don't feel like there have been many times in my life before where I've exoperienced such heat for so long, and I've certainly never sought out fans (I hate them), dunking my feet in cold water (they'd normally get cold way too fast), or frozen water bottles (never really liked cold drinks that much), but suddenly all of these things seemed GREAT. Although the heat was kind of hard to deal with (our house is a total heat trap which made it even worse), the pleasure I got from the cold water feet dunking and the iced drinks kinda made it all okay, and actually just spending every day mostly lounging with my nice partner and my dog, reading and playing games and drinking cold drinks was... really... nice?! I guess this is what people have been doing on holidays this whole time, huh

Anyway it had to end eventually and I don't care how much we needed it, I still hate the rain.

Anyway, rain continued as I made my longest trip away since lockdown began, getting the 90 min train down to my parents place in Chichester for an overnight stay. I don't know if it was actually the longest we've ever been apart (I feel like there might have been longer periods of time when I was at uni, and possibly in Yorkshire), and we're not like, super tight, but still, it had started to feel very strange not having seen them for so long. Oh, and obviously 'my sister' (their two year old cockpoo) as well. Was nice to fly through.

 

Maybe more than my parents (sorry mum and dad), I missed the sea. I grew up on the coast, lived in Brighton for nearly 10 years, and even while in Yorkshire I was returning to Brighton every couple of months at least. This was definitely the longest period of time I have ever gone without standing on a beach looking at the waves.

Stopped off in Worthing on my way back to see good friends Heidi, Rosie and Harriet, and my goodest friend of all, the ocean.

 

One of Charlie's Borrow My Doggie pals went to visit her family in Scotland and asked me if I'd water her plants while she was gone. I was delighted to, not least because she lives on the 19th floor of a nearby tower block — it was a real joy to see the views from up high!

 

A lot of pondering this month tbh.

 

This one's a bit of a cheat visual diary, but I found the game Cartographers REALLY fun and really aesthetically pleasing! Here's my play sheet.

Well, things between me and my partner S have been nothing but lovely since they moved in on a trial basis in May, and given that our incomes are both massively recduced at the moment and their lease ends in September, we decided to make the arrangement permanent. One of their conditions was that we get rid of the bed that came with the room and replace it with their bed, which is fine if it weren't for bloody freecyclers being spectacularly unreliable.

 

 

Anyway, in the end we found a solution and spent the following day disassembling and reassembling furniture at great length. I.   HATE.    IT.  

 

 

Anyway, I had an interview for a thing and did a convincing job of being an adult, so that's nice.

 

And that thing is... an MA?! And I got it?!

This MA, to be precise. It's quite good and I'm kind of surprised I even got an interview, let alone got accepted. My history with academia is lacklustre at best, and I've done a much better job at proving myself out in the real world, on my own terms... But for quite a long time I've felt like I need something to push me forward in my career. I'm increasingly disenchanted with the idea of working in a studio, and with traditional branding and marketing design work. I want to figure out what's next for me, and how I can actually follow my passions when it comes to design and beyond.

I never thought there would be a right time for this, but I found out this month that my main employer is massively reducing my hours, and with most of my freelance clients incredibly quiet, I figured better to spend this downtime learning something new, rather than just twiddling my thumbs or desperately chasing work that I don't want or that isn't even there.

I have some savings from my time in Yorkshire which, along with an ongoing trickle of freelance work should be able to sustain me until December 2021 when the course ends.

It's kind of a huge deal for me and I'm kind of terrified, but here's hoping I can do it justice this time...

In a fun thought exercise, S asked me if I could only have 10 foods forevermore, what would they be? Here are my picks, for nourishment and joy.

 

And then, we hired the van! We got their stuff! Moving is stressful but WE DID IT! (They had made a number of bold claims over our time together that they were really good at driving vans, which seems wild to me because driving a van competantly and calmly across central London at rush hour on a Friday feels about as a remote a possibility for me as flying to the moon, and yet, THEY DID IT)

And now we live together! 

Weird year, huh

And with that, AUTUMN.

(Which previously filled me with dread but now I don't live in a forever-rain place, I'm kind of ready to be cosy and cute)

 

I'm also, in theory, ready to try and get back into some kind of more regular work/productivity pattern, I hope. S now has their desk next to mine and we both hold each other accountable to actually sitting at them together and getting the stuff done, and it feels very positive. (Even though I kinda loved armchair working)

 

I walked over to LCC (where I'll be doing my MA from October) to see whether it is viable to walk there regularly from my house. Google said it would take me an hour and 5 minutes, but I did it in 55, which made me quite smug, and also feels realistic to do at least some of the time (not that I'll be going in that much, given the current situation). 

I feel excited and scared and hopeful about the future, and very lucky to have a comfortable home full of partner and plants and dog, even if there may be financial hard times to come, I'm hoping those things will remain constant.

Onwards, to autumn, somehow, I guess.