I'm leaving Hebden Bridge. I made my choice.
I've tried for two and a half years to be happy here. And in truth, it's no fault of the place. An 'it's not you, it's me' breakup.
Maybe if I'd been here in a happy relationship. Maybe if I found valleys cosy rather than oppressive. Maybe if I could/wanted to drive. Maybe if I hadn't grown up in the countryside. Maybe if I'd never lived in the city. Many maybes, many ways it could have worked out, but it hasn't, and a chance has arisen to leave, so I'm taking it.
The only thing I will miss is the people.
But it's nice to stop pretending (not that I was doing a very good job) that things were okay. I did try, for Ava. I tried to see the positives. Not talk about how much I actually hate walking in the countryside, even though I do it 2 – 3 hours most days, because I love Charlie, and want him to be happy, and because it keeps me fit. But I'm SO BORED. I'm SO BORED of HILLS and FIELDS and RIVERS and TREES and MUD. (But, I do love wayfinding, and there's a certain pleasure still in the days when I decide to try something new. There are still so many footpaths untrodden, and I continue to explore, for the time I have left here)
But I was still figuring out whether leaving was the right choice or not, at the beginning of the month. And opportunity had arisen for something new, but... Is it too soon? Can I afford it? Is it the right choice? A lot of thinking, and a tired brain.
This is Dav though, and he's great. If I leave I won't get to see him as much, but all of our lives are changing, it's not just me.
Ava's birthday is on June 5th. It's weird now. (Also I am aware of the irony of doing a drawing saying 'I don't want to think about you at all' :)
There's another thing I hate: NETTLES
Oh, and also RAIN. Did I ever mention that? I think this was the day I made my choice.
Or maybe it was this one. I don't recall now...
Or maybe this one?!
I mean...
But the Egg Factory. The best creative community I've ever been lucky enough to have. This is the thing that will be painful to leave. Not just the wonderfully easy, open access to screenprinting, letterpress, and technical support across a whole range of other practices... But the people. The Egg Factory have been my best friends in Hebden Bridge, and are a truly wonderful and inspiring group of people who I've been lucky to have in my life.
Here's a little bit of screenprinting.
It's still raining.
And then I went to London. And soon, I will do for good*. (*For the forseeable future)
One of my oldest and best friends David (who I used to live with in Brighton) has had a room become available in his shared house in Battersea, at the end of August. It's beautiful, I can afford it, and Charlie can come. It is the dream, my lifelong dream, to live in London.
As a child growing up in North Wales, we used to visit family in the south of England, and we'd always have to pass through London on the train. My mum would always make sure we stopped off in the city and did something fun, and this was always my favourite part. I used to say to her 'One day I'll live in one of those shiny glass apartments on the bank of the Thames' (spoiler alert, this new house is NOT that).
I wanted to go there for university, but we couldn't afford it. I wanted to move there after university but I couldn't afford it. I continued to want to move there, but it was very exactly the opposite of what Ava wanted, and I probably still couldn't afford it.
I probably still can't afford it, but all the 50 – 60 hour weeks I've been working. All the late nights. It's all been for this, and will continue to be for this. It is all I have ever wanted, and, on some level, what I have always been working towards.
Perhaps I'll get there and hate it. Perhaps the dream of living there will be better than the reality. But I have the chance to try, at last, and I feel like the luckiest person in the world.
London is where magic happens. London is where I have adventures.
London is where my favourite musician rolls up and announces he's playing a secret show, and I can just hop on the tube, and go. I stand in the sunshine queuing for three hours, and the show might be one of the best I've ever been to. I am where everything I want is — work, food, music, friends... It is a no-brainer, and this magical night confirms it.
And then the next night, my old friend Reggie is in town. I go to his show and then afterwards we all go and hang out in the beautiful apartment of a couple of the people behind Punchdrunk (the wildly creative theatre company). We talk until the early hours and then I bail, because I'm tired, but everyone else is heading off to an all-night rave in Manor House. If I didn't have to travel the next day, I'd have gone too. Happenstance and chance meetings. Interesting people and all night parties. Art and music and creativity in abundance.
I'm tired in the morning, so we order pancakes, delivery. They arrive still hot. With ice cream that's still frozen. You can do that in London.
(Except maybe you can't because you'll be perpetually broke, but let's not talk about that)
I head back to Brighton to work and catch up with old friends.
I get my fringe cut back in and feel approximately 100% cuter and more positive about my face.
(Is this the saddest comic I've ever drawn?)
The move will be big for Charlie though. He'll need to be a brave boy for the initial change and upheaval, but I'm confident that he can be happy in London. Battersea park is HUGE and interesting, we'll be 5 minutes walk from the Thames (which can obviously be walked along), also loads of other big green spaces like Clapham Common and Wandsworth... Plus trains to get even further afield... He's not scared of cars or people, but he IS scared of sheep, cows, chickens, geese, and basically all other farm animals, and there will be a lot less of those in London. (He's also scared of other dogs, but he'll be getting those wherever he goes, unfortunately).
I'm also really hoping that I'll actually be able to get to a flyball/agility course to exercise that clever little brain of his, which isn't something I've had access to in Hebden, so hopefully he'll live a richer and equally contented life in our new home. He was one of my biggest considerations, and I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't genuinely believe he's going to be happy.
Me, Dav and Davey went for a day out to Blackpool (and Charlie too), and it was an absolute joy. Finally, some glorious sunshine! Great chips, lots of weird sculpture, organ music at the end of the pier and a quick paddle. Seaside bliss with two of my absolute favs.
Had a long conversation about how weird nipples are. Don't think about it too much.
On June 23rd it was the Egg Factory's 'Makers Museum' day, as part of Hebden Bridge Arts festival. A whole bunch of us spent the day at the Egg factory, making bespoke items for sale on the day, and people could come and watch us. (Included leatherworking, collage, knitting, visible mending, paper cutting, letterpress, flower arranging, screenprinting, bookbinding, illustraton, painting maybe more I'm forgetting?!) As we all happily worked away at our individual desks, Lizzie commented that it felt a bit like being back at art college, and that made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I made a zine with a letterpressed cover, screenprinted end papers, and riso printer inner pages, and I letterpressed and bound them on the day. It's all about walking around Hebden Bridge. Which apparently I hate. But I have done a lot of, and I think about it a lot. It's a beautiful little thing, if I do say so myself. Ask me if you want a copy and I'll send you one.
In the evening we did a series of short talks about our practice, and a panel discussion about the state of craft in the UK, and it was genuinely fascinating and super fun to be a part of. What lovely folks.
(I am still working as hard as I can)
It's still just NOT SUMMER. It's mostly not cold any more which is good, but I feel like I've barely seen the sun in weeks and it's really starting to get me down. (Nothing new there then...) Hopefully July will be an improvement.
And then, TO EDINBURGH! Edinburgh is lovely, and so are my friends Jess and Ryan who I stayed with (and their wonderful dog pals Stompy, Mae and Noki, and Marceline the cat). Had a wonderful day of exploring, including delicious lunch at Harmonium with Jess. Edinburgh city centre is fascinating, I can never quite get my head around how it seems to be on so many different levels.
And yesterday, it was the Edinburgh Anarchist Feminist book fair! I tabled selling zines last year, but this year I was also running a workshop, called 'Journalling for Mental Health', which was all about how I have used my visual diarying as an emotional support mechanism (can you tell, reader? :) and how actually, I think that can be a really positive and helpful thing.
I think it went okaaaaay?! I hate the sound of my own voice and hope the whole thing struck the right tone (it's really hard to tell when you're speaker and not audience), but people told me afterwards they enjoyed it, so I am happy about that.
After a short talk I set them some exercises, and supplied various art materials. I sat at one of the tables to do my visual diary for the day, and had to use oil pastels, which I hate, and it's baaaaad, hahaha (ironic, in a workshop about visual diarying).
Anyway, the EAFB was GREAT overall, sold lots of zines, had lots of lovely conversations, anarchists are not as scary as you think (and feminists are obviously great, although I feel like in 2019 if you're NOT a feminist that's pretty terrible).
Got very tired, had great pizza for dinner, flumped out with doggo pals. A+++ (apart from THE RAINNNN)
Got the train home today. Got my legs out because I'm determined it's summer and I really like my tattoo, but got really cold standing on Preston station waiting for my connection.
COME ON SUMMER. (I'm so excited)
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