Wednesday 28 February 2018

February 2018

I was right. I feel better in February.

It's weird, because we moved to Hebden Bridge at the very end of January 2017, and my memory of February 2017 was as a bleak, miserable, long, painful month of rain and mud and darkness.

But having now endured a November/December/January of rain and mud and darkness, February feels GLORIOUS! It's not dark till after FIVE these days! The mud is fractionally less! It's still raining but it also has been NOT raining for periods of time too, such joy!


On February 2nd, as a present to myself, I took a day trip to Blackpool, because what better time to visit the UK's premiere seaside resort than in the height of low-season?
My main motivation was to continue my quest to visit all the UK's piers, and I'm pleased to say I checked off FOUR in that one day (although all of them were to some extent closed because of winter, and I am sufficiently intrigued by Blackpool in general to want to go back in high season.)
It was a gloriously sunny day, I got to ride on a tram, had a delicious plate of chips and gravy, saw the incredible comedy carpet, and generally felt the happiest I had felt in a long time, walking by the sea in the sun. (I've lived by the sea all my life until this last year and I really miss it.)


Nearly, but not quite, a whole year since Charlie last fell in the canal by accident. This time we were running, and he barged past me on the outside on some particularly slippy stones and tumbled in. Once again, ungracefully heaved out and taken home for a sad bath. The indignity of it all.


Nearly but NOT QUITE grown out fringe and it is very very annoying right now.


Damn February has been cold though. But this is mostly okay. I don’t mind the snow, and I can deal with the cold for the most part. I feel the cold a lot but it doesn’t make me sad in the same way rain does. (We were all sad this day though, but mainly for reasons unrelated to weather)


Brief moments where I believe that actually I am good at what I do, competant and worthy of what I am paid, and maybe I could actually reach the heights I dream of in my career one day. Maybe.


Went to see Samiyam in Manchester. He was great but my stomach was really gripey and he creates music which is particularly… vibratey… so it wasn’t the ideal combination and I spent most of the show feeling kind of sick. Ho hum.


Mud, glorious mud.


Okay so the BIG NEWS is I’m finally going to the USA in April/May. I have been saving for and planning for and dreaming of this trip for nearly a decade but the stars of finance, timing, transatlantic friendship, a certain incredibly generous benefactor, and my own bravery have combined such that THIS IS HAPPENING. I am incredibly excited but also my travel anxiety now kicks in and I start imagining everything that could go wrong.


So. Many. Pancakes.


Valentines day, eh. Why do we do this to ourselves.


So Charlie briefly went on a bit of a crime spree back there. There were some minor infractions, like secretly climbing into the guest bed while muddy and writhing around a bit while no one was there, and clambering up onto things uninvited quite a lot, but his most serious offence was quite unprecedented for such a normally-good-boy…

Alex made a very large garlic bread which contained a whole bulb of garlic (highly toxic to dogs, and chilli isn’t great for them either)… And left it out on the table overnight. This shouldn’t have been a problem, as Charlie has never stolen food before. And indeed, he didn’t steal it overnight, but for some mad, impulsive reason, around 15 minutes after receiving his breakfast the next morning, he decided he wanted pudding, and leapt up and ate nearly the whole thing.

Cue rushed taxi ride to the vets and £160 to sit on the floor for nearly an hour comforting him while he painstakingly medically-induced-vomited the whole thing up again, barely digested.

He was a very sad boy, I was a very sad girl, and I hope we’ve all learnt from the experience.

(A few people say his moments of madness are purely down to the joys of spring, and I hope this is the explanation. He’s been back to his usual good self since, anyway)


Just wanted to try and paint some nice moss and lichen.


I really hate having breasts. They have been little but unnecessary pain and weight and obtrusiveness and distraction for as long as I've had them. But maybe hate a little less than I once did. As I get older they change shape, and weight, and texture, and this is traditionally held up as ‘a bad thing’ but somehow it feels like they’re less THERE somehow. Unclear whether this is a physical thing or just an emotional illusion. It would be nice to not hate them, anyway. Maybe that will happen soon.


HOT DATES!
I’ve given up chocolate and crisps for lent as I usually do, and every year the first weeks are the hardest. One sweet treat I’ve been substituting is four or five dates microwaved in a mug of oat milk. The dates go all soft and gooey and caramelly, and the milk is delicious and hot and sweet. It maybe sounds gross but don’t knock it till you’ve tried it…


GRUMP GRUMP GRUMP


It’s everybody’s favourite day, LAST FRIDAY*! (*Your favourite day may differ depending on your company’s pay day policies)


Well, we’re all living it right now, but it has been INCREDIBLY cold the last few days. Like, kind of terrifyingly so. As a one off fluke it’s kind of fun, a novelty even. But I can’t escape the feeling something is horribly broken and it’s only going to get worse from here. I’ve never known cold like this, I don’t think, and I wonder if I will look back on this period of cold as a significant memory in that respect.

Anyway, silver linings, I’m fascinated by ice formations (as anyone who watches my Instagram stories will know). I’d never seen anything like this before — at the base of a waterfall, blobby ice shapes had formed as water splashed onto fine blades of grass and immediately froze up, building up layer upon layer of incredibly clear, curvy ice blobs… It’s hard to describe and was similarly hard to photograph. I cracked one off and enjoyed trying to paint it later.


As mentioned, I feel like I’ve not known cold or snow like this before. Prior to this there had been over a week of sub-zero temperatures, but incredibly dry, and I’d actually been quite enjoying it because most of the mud dried and/or froze up, making walking much easier. But yesterday the inevitable precipitation finally came, and in swirling, blizzarding masses, many inches thick and rapidly covering over any tracks left… The snow is unusually dry, meaning it’s easily whipped up by the wind… I braved a run in it, and was briefly caught in a terrifying spiral of snow lifted from surrounding branches and leaves… Both my phone and iPod died from the cold too which I’ve never known before.


And today, worse even… Looking out of our window across the narrow valley, temperatures hitting minus seven, and the other side of the valley not even visible through the heavy snow. I have braved the outdoors several times because of that doggo, and each time have been caught up in it. I find a certain curiosity in being caught in the middle of snow storms, but there’s a horror to it as well, when the dry, sand-like snow particles are crashing against your face, stinging your cheeks and lips and eyes, and you can’t see more than a few metres ahead, and all sounds are muffled and muted, and you realise, actually, I am quite a long way from home.

But it's okay. It's still better than rain.

March starts tomorrow, and I am on the edge of my seat waiting for it. My March is filled with a ridiculous number of incredibly exciting things and I can hardly wait to get started. Soon we'll be out the other side of the blizzard and I'll be able to see clearly what lies ahead.

No comments: