Tuesday, 3 December 2013


Blegh. I guess I'm still in a bit of a winter gloom, although right at this very second as I'm writing this, I'm in a fairly good mood. But this month's visual diaries have been somewhat laboured (as have many other aspects of my life), and that makes me sad.

But still, onwards, what did November have in store for me?

Well, indigestion for starters.
Me and my tummy have a difficult relationship. I love it and appreciate its crucial role in my life, but for the last 6 years or so, it and the rest of my digestive system have never been entirely 100% happy. Most of the time when it's grumbling, I know what's wrong. I say 'sorry tummy, it was those lentils, I just couldn't resist!' or 'don't worry tummy, you just need a burp and you'll feel right as rain' (Don't worry, I don't have these conversations out loud)… But occasionally, neither of us quite know what's wrong, and we both get a bit sad about that.

Then there was the ongoing leaky window saga, in which, thanks to some shoddy guttering maintenance two months ago, water poured in through the top of the window frame whenever it rained. This made me extremely grumpy and miserable and took far longer than it should have done to resolve, because letting agents are shit. BROKEN BRITAIN, guys.

On the upside this month, I've been going through a good music phase. Lots of wonderful new discoveries. Which is always nice.

When I was seeing my CBT therapist to help me deal with my emetophobia, she said I shouldn't become to reliant on coping mechanisms. If I genuinely feel sick, I should 'be with the fear', not try and avoid it. While that may be valid, she basically told me not to drink peppermint tea when I feel sick because that counts as 'avoiding the fear'. Well sorry. The peppermint tea is here to stay. Me and my stomach agree on that much.

To add insult to broken window injury, the letting agent chose this month to announce they'd be putting our rent up. While that doesn't bother me too much (our rent is unusually low, even with a rise), the fact that they wanted to charge us £180 for the privilege of doing so did get me rather grumpy. So, as I am frequently known to do, I started browsing rightmove for alternative Brighton homes for me and Alex. Turns out our (genuinely) best option is a static caravan in Lancing.

So I got home and this photo was sitting on my dressing table. I have no idea who or where this boy is, or where the photo came from. Alex was either unable or unwilling to shed any light on where the photo had come from. (I say 'unwilling' because he found the whole thing irrationally funny, which may mean he's decided to start planting random family snaps around my room to freak me out)
Anyway. Does anyone recognise this child?

There have been quite a few times this month where I've had to cook for one. Turns out I've got really bad at cooking for one, and have frequently ended up eating WAY more than is sensible.

Drew this while I was freaking out that the bath had started leaking again. Last summer the sealant around the bath failed so that every time anyone had a shower, water ran down the wall and leaked through the kitchen ceiling just here. It took us FOUR ATTEMPTS to redo the sealant ourselves (each attempt taking around 4 days allowing for curing time) and the whole process was so distressing that I vowed never to attempt to seal a bath again. Anyway, some mysterious drops appeared here, than seemed to have fallen from a height, and I started freaking out that I was going to have to pay another visit to Wickes sometime soon. Fortunately touch wood, it seems like there's no leak. YET.

This pretty much sums up my miserable mood, but on the face of it none of those things are THAT bad. It was just getting me down that particular day. I've not cycled for the last couple of weeks, for a combination of reasons… I have a minor health problem that flares up every time I cycle, it's dark and cold, roads are scarier when it's dark, and I've been enjoying listening to music so much that walking home via a meandering route with some nice ear warming headphones on seems much preferable to flinging myself along roads with the power of my tired legs. Weird amount of guilt about it though.

In an effort to assuage the overwhelming negative visual diary vibes, I tried to come up with six genuinely nice things that had happened that day. I did start struggling at 5, but still that's good going. Maybe I should do this every day.

Sometimes chips are the answer. (I am still getting fatter)

This was a nice day. Me and Alex had nice strolls round town and went to the amazing Komedia cafe for lunch, then mum came over and we went to the craft fair and had the ridiculous massive Chilli Pickle takeaways. BOOM! In your face November blues!

Me and Hannah went to see Gold Panda. He was very good but it was an under 18s gig and there were loads of horrible obnoxious children there. For the first time, I genuinely felt OLD. (And it was kind of great)

I'm not very good at drawing hands. But this is how my hands FEEL right now.

Anyway. Now it's December and I hope for a more inspired month. It's also coming up to the time where I have to decide whether I'm going to keep this up next year. I hope so. It's been a bit more of a struggle recently for some reason, but I hope I stay motivated. I think it's a positive thing to do.

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