September feels like it's rushed by very fast, as, I suspect, will the next couple of months, as I race to the end of my MA. That work feels a bit like it's filling pretty much every corner of my brain and not leaving space for much else, but I'm doing my best to hold all the other aspects of my life together as well...
I spent the early part of my month working frenetically on my final project. I wish that I could link you out to some documentation on my academic blog, but lol, as if, I have absolutely not had time for that. Suffice to say, one of the main complexities of my project is how I'm actually going to produce it, and without going into too much detail, I basically have to choose between two options: 1) an approach which would involve a huge amount of labour, technical skill and trial and error on my part, but would give me the satisfaction of hands on work and the feeling that I've really made it myself, plus would use processes which are sufficiently labour intensive that no one else would do them for me... or 2) pay someone to do it for me, using a different process which will yield slightly inferior results but will also vastly reduce my stress levels. At the start of the month I was pretty convinced option 1 was the option to go with, hence panicking to get the actual design work done in time.
My 'look' still feels a little like it's in transition. My mother saw me later on in the month and commented that she feels like she never used to see me in trousers, or in so much black. It felt weird to try and explain why and how I've ended up here, and also slightly ridiculous. But ever since Charlie's death, every time I've tried to wear some of my old, loud clothes, it's felt... wrong. Like playing salsa music at a funeral or something. And maybe for some people that would feel right, but... I can't. Maybe it's a push to what would have happened anyway. My manic pixie dream girl days are past and I want to... I don't know... Blend in? Be queerer? Bit more goth? Victorian lady in mourning dress? idk. I'm embracing a lot of things I used to hate (like trousers) and I still don't feel like I've nailed it in terms of feeling like 'me', but I'm getting closer.
(Sorry if it sounds a bit vain to think about this so much, but clothes and the way they present and make me feel have always been important to me...)
I was doing a LOT of drawing at the start of the month for the aforementioned project, so when getting to my visual diaries at the end of the day I was feeling somewhat fatigued. But then did this surprisingly pleasing drawing of the sansiveria on my bedroom desk.
Brief foray to East London. I know I had a good reason for it, but I literally can't remember it now — all I can remember is that I got to go to La Fauxmagerie and buy some delicious vegan cheeses, and I had a nice lunch in Spitalfields. There's so much great graffiti and street art in that part of the city, always makes me wish I lived there when I visit.
My friend Dav takes such beautiful photos of the things he grows in his garden and allotment. We keep saying to him that he should have an instagram, and now that he's officially started his one day a week horticulture course, he has! (He only set it up a few days ago, I did this drawing way back at the start of the month) You can find him @gardendaywithdav over there if you want cute garden pics from a lovely person.
FINALLY a nice day
When it gets hot, Chase likes to wade around in the ornamental ponds in Battersea Park. I decided to go in with her.
Not wanting to brag too much but I AM HUSTLING EXTRAORDINARILY HARD AT THE MOMENT OKAY, and any time I'm not MA working I am freelancing (tyvm to all my incredibly patient clients, I love you). I've recently started working with a new agency who do a lot of direct mailers, brochures, newspaper inserts and so on. I wouldn't want to do it all day every day, but I do have a soft spot for really fiddly layout work. Got to spend the day working on an incredibly complex agricultural supplies catalouge, which opened my eyes to a very wide variety of products beyond my wildest comprehension (even as someone who grew up in a rural area relatively close to farming communities).
A couple of months ago, this person bought some zines from my etsy and sent me a cute message. We got talking and it turns out Tamsin is doing a PhD centred around zine-making (from a sociological perspective). After much busyness on both our parts, we finally got on zoom to get excited about bits of paper together :)
During this pandemic I'm sure many of us have become a lot more intimately aquianted with our very local area. I walk up and down the street every day and there's just so many... lives... and stories, and secrets, and weirdness... I did a late evening shift with Samaritans and as I walked along the street home I saw these three scenes unfolding in darkened shop interiors in a way that felt strangely resonant.
Yes yes Emma we know you're working a lot, you can shut up about it now
My partner went away for the weekend to visit their dad, which meant I had to get up early both days to take Chase out for her 6am poop. I hate getting up early but for some reason that day I was able to be surprisingly motivated and do all the household jobs I'd been putting off for (in some cases) MONTHS.
I drew this and then realised it looked like she'd died, which made me sad (it's actually just about how much her luminous yellow frisbee looks like a halo)... I do NOT like thinking about her mortality which is kind of a problem because she is definitely going to die, and it will probably happen before I do. (She's 10 already, so probably within the next 2 or 3 years). I always used to be quite at peace with the idea of Charlie dying one day when he was old, but then he just... WENT and left me, so much sooner than I'd anticipated... and now I'm not so good at thinking about it, or being at peace with it. Anyway Chase is a very good girl who loves her frisb and hopefully has plenty of life in her yet.
Still wrestling with technical issues around my project, walking around the park sending stressy voicemail messages asking for advice to my friends, coursemates, colleagues, etc. Sorry if any of you hate voicemails...
Some days it be like that.
Doing some test runs of my project work, except the technician printed them off half the size they should be, and on sticker paper. So made a weird lil collage.
Spelt the word 'mindful' wrong as I was writing this, and decided to roll with it. Yes I'm FINE why do you ask
Finally completed the last of my twelve London to Brighton research walks, walk 9, which was delayed for COVID related reasons. Lovely to see some old pals and talk about trains and viaducts and art and life.
Talking of trains (which I'm doing a lot at the moment, sorry), there's a BRAND NEW tube station in my neighbourhood, how exciting! Of course I had to go for a ride on the first day it opened.
Delighted about the new season of Bake Off. Every year I think 'there's no way they'll find another good gang of people for this' and then every year they do. I actually particularly like this year's group, and am really enjoying it so far (though Matt Lucas suuuucks)
Mum came to visit for the day and we went to the great 1964 Olympics exhibition at Japan House, then bought a picnic at Wholefoods and ate it in the park. A lovely little diversion.
In other lovely little diversions, me and my partner went over to someone else's house for the first time in... nearly two years?! Had a cute boardgames night in Brockley and felt much energised by it.
AND ANOTHER diversion (maybe I did do some fun stuff this month after all), took my partner down to Brighton for the first time. Brighton is one of my favourite places in the world and I kind of hope to move back there some day (maybe?!) so wanted to persuede my love that this could be a good choice. They're very fussy so I was surprised by how easily convinced they were, though their one caveat is that they won't move anywhere without an ice rink, which Brighton sadly fails at. So if someone could open one there, that'd be great, thanks.
Uuuuuuuugh (I mean I don't directly care and actually love anything which inconveniences car drivers, but sadly it also inconveniences emergency services and food deliveries and so on, so is stressful nonetheless)
Had a cute lil house sushi night :)
I didn't know what to draw so I sat very still and quiet at my desk in my room and tried to visualise all the noises I could hear.
Though my research walks are over, I had a number of loose ends to tie up, which I spent time doing yesterday. This mostly involved getting a large number of trains back and forth up and down various sections of the London to Brighton line.
Not really sure how I wanna dress for winter. Everything just makes me feel like a big lump (but it retrospect I'm like this every winter because I get so cold I feel like I have to wear a million layers). Tips for giant warm black clothes that will also make me feel at least a little bit classy/glamourous/trendy, pls?
Because WINTER IS COMING (and my gas bill just went up enormously)
