Well, those of you who live in London as I do may be sharing my DEEP RESENTMENT at the total lack of summer experienced here. In a bleak year I'd been holding out for at least a few more days of glorious sunshine and kind-of-a-bit-too-hot temperatures to lift my spirits, but NO, and now it's September and it's cold.
I started the month saying LITERALLY THIS and it has got no better.
Grump.
As part of my MA I am thinking a lot about train travel (and train tickets) and have found myself growing increasingly bitter about my continued relative isolation and lack of travel. Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not totally locked away, but my continuing intense fear of long-COVID and the impact it could have on my life/financial situation keeps me sufficiently scared to avoid most 'high risk' situations. (Though goodness knows I could just as easily get it while out having dinner with a friend at their house, so I should probably either say 'fuck it' and do whatever I want or PROPERLY isolate, but for whatever reason, neither seem like appealing options...)
As an attempt to get some 'enrichment' in my life, I offered to help out a nice family who I see at the park in looking after their beautiful border collie Ozzy while they go on hols. Me and Charlie used to see Ozzy often when he was a puppy, and now he's a squidgy 18 month old with bundles of energy. I think it was definitely a good exercise because it has successfully convinced my grief addled brain that maybe another border collie is NOT such a good idea (or at least not until a point much later in my life where I have much more time to give to one). He's a very sweet boi tho, and we had some fun ball time. (I'm still really bad at drawing dogs!)
I think I mentioned in my last blog — I twisted my ankle while out on one of my London to Brighton walks, and because I totally failed to rest it, it didn't reeeeally get better (As of writing at the end of the month it's STILL a touch swollen and doesn't like being bent in a particular direction that it could definitely bend before... Have I fucked it forever?!) Anyway I hobbled round the house a lot with a very sad face.
My partner had their second dose of the COVID vaccine! Much like me, they felt it.
My friend was hosting a garden party, but then (bloody weather) it was potentially going to be rained off, so she said it would be indoors instead. I nearly wimped out and didn't go, because I didn't wanna do an indoor gathering with that many people, but at the last minute, with the weather looking a little clearer, I decided to toughen up and go, and in the event, I got to hang out in her garden the whole time just about avoiding the showers, AND I got to meet her dog and make some new friends. YAY!
And then, (ankle still a little wobbly), it was time for walk 11 of 12 — Burgess Hill to Hassocks, with Zoe and her partner Dan who came along for the ride. IT RAINED THE ENTIRE TIME :( :( :(
At the end of our walk, Zoe suggested we stop in at a small pet shop in Hassocks. She promised me it was a treat. With over 37 cats wandering the space (according to google reviews, I guess I saw 20 – 25), it really was, in a slightly surreal way. (I wanted to do a visual diary about it because I was still thinking about it the next day! I don't think I've ever seen that many cats in one place, and they all seemed so happy!)
Had my first meal out since March 2020!! Me and George went up to Islington. We were going to go to the hot new vegan Chinese spot 'Tofu', but it was fully booked, so we stumbled across nearby Nem Nem with Vietnamese small plates, and it was GREAT. I was happy because we sat right by the open door, so it felt nice and safe.
My partner's friend came over and we introduced him to Carcassone, which he boldly declared 'the perfect game'. (I am pleased about this because I love Carcassone, while my partner really isn't a fan)
Feeling like I kinda want a haircut? But all the haircuts I've had since I had long hair have been really medicore? Ugh
Found a guy, paid a lot, got a competant but uninspiring haircut. Don't get me wrong, he did a good job, but I think I'm just not sure what I WANT?! Like I kind of wanna look queerer, but short haircuts don't really suit my face (I don't think?!) and maybe I'm too scared to like, go asymmetrical or something? Also I'm a bit committed to fringe and maybe that's holding me back?! Sigh. Anyway it's fine, I look cute, I just hoped it would be like 'WOW' but it kind of isn't.
I've recently reconnected with my friend Daisy, who I went to uni with 10 years ago. She sort of fell off my radar, but maybe 2 or 3 years ago I stumbled across her on Instagram and discovered she's now a FOOD INFLUENCER (you can find her @brunchlunchlondon)... I followed her and really liked her content, and she followed back and we started occasionally chatting again. Anyway, she knows I'm vegan so she invited me along with her to one of her many brunch/lunch engagements (at a certain point of influencer fame they just like, invite you and give you free food?!)
Anyway, it was weird to see her again IRL for the first time in a decade... Weird because she was basically exactly the same as I remembered her! (She said the same about me, so either we're both being polite or we've both aged incredibly well, I think the latter tbh!)
The place we went was called 'Bad Vegan' and their whole 'thing' is that they also serve a bit of meat, which frankly is some bullshit, though I did not tell the host this. He said they've had some problems with the name because meat eaters don't wanna go to a place with 'vegan' in the name, and vegans don't like that a place with vegan in the name serves meat (um, yes, hello).... But their idea is to normalise places having a menu which is like 90% vegan with just one or two optional meat add ons (rather than vice versa, the current norm). While I can get behind this, I don't think they should market themselves as vegan! Both me and Daisy have been to LA, and we remembered that so often there, everything on the menu will be vegan and then you can pay a few extra $ to add chicken, beef or whatever. This is great, especially as a lot of these restaurants don't specifcially market themselves as vegan, they're just like... any old place, but they're in LA, where a much more significant chunk of people are vegan, so it makes sense.
Anyway, the food was FINE. The guy was boasting about it being backed up by a Michelan Star Chef or something, but it really wasn't that much better than a lot of other vegan fast food spots I've been to. He was like 'you know, we want to really ELEVATE vegan junk food' and I'm like, mate, have you been to Temple of Seitan? Neat Burger? Biffs? Mercy Burger? Like, these are all vegan places making really delicious vegan junk food with nuanced flavours and good ingredients, you're gonna need more than that. Also their main thing was a potato rosti in a wrap, which is like... Carb on carb fest? Nobody needs that. Slaw was good though. Anyway there's my review and this is probably why I'm not an influencer.
Final London to Brighton walk! Hassocks to Brighton with James, up and over the South Downs! This was the longest of all of them at around 13 miles, and I definitely felt it, but it was a fun time. Now I have to actually go and uh, make something cool out of all this research... (Oh, and complete walk 9/12 which got cancelled for COVID related reasons!)
We had a friend over for dinner and got really over excited and tried to do sushi and a long boardgame which was maybe TOO MUCH but hopefully fun!
Alongside all of this, working a LOT. Freelancing is stressful when everyone wants everything all at once. Also feeling stressed because I've basically had to put my MA work down entirely for a few weeks (with the exception of my walks and attempting to write my critical context paper — the big essay), so feeling a bit behind and strung out with everything.
Finally got myself a pair of Lucy and Yak jeans, after getting to try them on in the Brighton shop after my last walk! Feels like I'm constantly seeing women on the street wearing either these jeans or their great dungarees, so I feel like I'm maybe hopping on a trend here, but they're SO COMFORTABLE and SO CUTE. (I got them in black and took the big brand label off because apparently that's how I roll)
My partner got a cold, which was VERY STRESSFUL when I was supposed to be going on holiday in three days time. Is it COVID?! Do we all have to quarantine?! (I mean technically not any more as everyone in the house is vaccinated, but there's no way I'd go visit friends if I knew my partner had it). So anxiously waiting for the results of a PCR to find out whether my desperately needed holiday was going to get CANCELLED
I wasn't actually travelling until Monday but I'd tried to carve out an entire week, and actually have the weekends off (Which I never normally do). Funny though, it's actually quite hard to relax when there are still things to do.
Spent the next day flailing wildly on domestic tasks while still awaiting the results of the PCR and worrying I wouldn't be able to travel. (Luckily, IT CAME BACK NEGATIVE!)
(I also somehow totally managed to avoid getting the cold myself!)
Arguably the main purpose of my holiday was to FINALLY scatter Charlie's ashes, which has been weighing on me heavily ever since I got them last year. I had asked my ex whether she wanted to join me and she wasn't sure (she hates me, but loves Charlie), so I told her if she didn't want to come, she could have half the ashes to scatter herself. Not wanting to awkwardly do this splitting on her front doorstep, I went out to a quiet, woodland corner of Battersea Park to divide them up the day before, safe in the knowledge that if I spilt any, they would still be being scattered in one of Charlie's favourite places (not for example, down my sink or on my kitchen floor). Had a big cry by myself in the woods because I still miss him so much.
The next day I got the train up to Leeds, and then on from Leeds to Hebden Bridge. I did not relish being back there in the slightest, even though, ironically for the place which I left because it was always raining, it was a gloriously sunny day. My ex did decide to join me, and mostly managed to be a supportive scattering companion. I had expected to cry a LOT, as we walked along our old walking route and scattered them by the sides of the path, but somehow having her there did help, so I appreciate the small kindness she was able to show me in doing that.
I was feeling pretty burnt out of everything before I left, including my visual diaries, so I decided to, for the first time ever, NOT take my book, or any pens, and instead take my ipad and have a DIGITAL VISUAL DIARY HOLIDAY! And you know what, I really enjoyed it. Over the next 24 hours worked away at this labour of love — based on a photograph I took from the highest point where Charlie's ashes were scattered, looking down across the valley. A fun test for my digital painting and felt like a fitting tribute to remember where he'll be now, forever.
My sweet boy.
After scattering his ashes, I hotfooted it out of Hebden Bridge pretty much immediately (only stopping in briefly on an old neighbour to say hello and have a consolatory cuddle with her aging border collie). I got straight on a train to York after that, and went to stay with my old housemate Justin and his partner Dav, who are probably some of my ultimate BFFs, the people I text most often and tell all my cool (and bad) stuff first.
The next day, Justin was busy working, but Dav gave me a little York tour (I got some more exciting new black trousers!), we had a delicious bao lunch, and then in the afternoon we went to visit their allotment. This was extremely exciting, as Dav has been doing INCREDIBLE allotment and garden things over the last year, and it had been a great sadness to me not to have felt able to visit sooner. A very lovely day. (And another digital visual diary!)
The next day, the three of us got the train from York to Scarborough! I am a big fan of faded seaside resorts, and was delighted to walk miles along the coast and get to ride on TWO funiculars. We all got very tired and ate too much. (Another digital diary, which enables me to easily sketch over photos. Feels a bit like cheating, but... I'm on holiday?!)
I got the train back to London the next day, but not before getting some fancy new shoes, a manicure, and a delicious Japanese lunch with Dav. (A spendy holiday apparently 😅) (And last digital visual diary, not that you'd even neccesarily know)
I wish I could have stayed longer, but still, just having this short break for a few days left me feeling wonderfully rested.
On the Saturday (STILL ON HOLIDAY EMMA, DON'T WORK!) my friend Sarah took me to the Yayoi Kusama exhibition at Tate Modern. There's this one iconic exhibit that everyone is photographed inside, but the rest felt a bit, I dunno, half-arsed, on the curation front. Still, it was lovely to be back in Tate Modern for the first time in a very long time.
After not making any progress on my MA work for a long time, I made a SMALL amount of progress, but enough to make me feel a bit more like I'm getting somewhere.
Through all the stress and turmoil, at least I have... BALL SORT PUZZLE (it's a really ugly iphone game that is somehow relentlessly soothing)
I put on like a stone and a half from when I moved to London in September 2019 and then throughout lockdown. Not climbing those Yorkshire hills'll do that to you. For the last two or three months I'd been making a really concerted effort to eat more healthily, but I've utterly failed over the last couple of weeks and slid back into all my worst habits. I've basically promised myself that I'll focus on my (mental and physical) health once my MA is over in Jan 2022, but I guess I probably shouldn't entirely ignore that side of things until then. [Goes away to bake a big batch of cookies for her housemate's birthday]
And suddenly... Autumn?!
