I write this blog to you at the very end of a LONG DAY in the middle of a LONG WEEK at the end of a LONG MONTH. Everything is a lot right now, but mostly self inflicted (MA, lol, why), so I persist and try to reassure myself that in a couple of weeks things will (briefly) ease up, and at the end of the year I can probably sleep for a fortnight or something.
The weather was nice, and mum came to visit for the first time in a long time. That was good. She hadn't even met Chase the dog yet, and we've had her since January! (She bought Chase a squeaky toy which she ADORES)
As part of my MA, over the summer, we have to write a big old essay called the 'Critical context paper'. As someone who, upon scraping through my undergraduate degree ten years ago swore that I would NEVER write another essay, this isn't exactly a thrilling prospect. Luckily we are having a lot of workshops to try and make it as gentle a process as possible, including this one which was trying to get us to think about the structure of our essay as a visual framework. It still made my head hurt.
Still evolving my summer health-goth look.
Our wooly pal was starting to suffer somewhat in the intense early June heatwave (now depressingly over for some weeks), so we made the difficult decision to clip her. I was worried she'd look bad but she actually looks fine and is very soft. So it all worked out.
The second walk in my London to Brighton odyssey, which you can read about here. Clapham Junction to Streatham Common with Jay Owens. A glorious day across glorious South London Commons, and there was ice cream!
Went back to Brighton for the first time since... Maybe late 2019? The longest period of time I've been away since I moved there in 2007. It was emotional! I missed it so much. Also very strange to have what will probably be my last work day at the Kings Education office, where I have worked for the last 10 years (albeit remote with only sporadic visits for the last 4). FEELINGS!
Turns out this was very over optimistic, it's now cold miserable girl summer again. (I got my 'days' muddled at some point by the way, and have written the correct day number in the bottom right corner... I will stop the numbering when I've had my second vaccine I THINK, even though this whole thing doesn't really feel over yet?!)
Walk 3, from Streatham Common to East Croydon, should have been with Cara Courage but she was struck down by chicken pox, so went it alone, still had a nice time exploring some outer edges of London I'd never been to before.
East Croydon's a weird kind of place (but apparently the best lunch en-route is to be found at Box Park, so as my walks proceed past this point I am stopping off here a lot!)
Gave blood for the first time since 2016 apparently?! I always get a bit anxious about fainting, so I didn't do it while we lived in Hebden Bridge as there was nowhere that didn't involve me having to get quite extensive pubic transport and walking home, and I always felt a bit too fragile to do that. FINALLY back on it, pleased to report that my blood is not only desirable O-, but also EXTRA PURE and suitable for neonatal babies, which is kinda cool. Also they give you a sticker now. Sweet.
NEW star wars! And the only one I'd seen before in my adult life. It is a fun time isn't it.
So I am absolutely not making enough money freelance for it to really have been a sensible decision to quit my job, but despite this fact, the combination of what freelance work I do have and current intensive MA demands are enough for me to feel perpetually slightly fried. I have not had a weekend off in months, though I am trying to at least keep most evenings work free or I would definitely burn out. Feels like a weird place to be both massively over-worked but also entirely unable to turn down anything new that does come in because I need the money. Ugh.
I've got a really big fun freelance comission at the moment which involves doing 5 very detailed drawings of a pond. It's very technically and creatively daunting, but also an absolute joy. Another very busy day but a day spent drawing and making an elaborate curry, which I think was a balm compared to everything else.
It got kinda hot back there but I am into it tbh. (Global warming horror aside). I mostly just worry about my lovely dog pal. But I spent a ludicrous amount getting the house aircon system fixed (yes, for some reason we have one? No the landlord won't maintain it?!) so hopefully suffering will be reduced when it gets really hot again.
We get to go into uni on Thursdays, and at around 3 in the afternoon after a long day of meetings and seminars and group work, I found myself alone in the riso room. I had a choice — get the train home and carry on work when I got back, or, take a cheeky hour and make something silly just for myself. It'd been a long time since I made a thing that wasn't either for money or for uni, so I riso printed this mini size (is one page even a zine?) about my favourite vegan travel snacks. If you'd like one just ask and I will send one out! It was a really fun thing to do, and I love riso printing.
Obviously the perfect thing to do when you have generalised financial anxiety is drop just over 2k of your savings on a new laptop. Sadly needs must, as my old one has been on its last legs for a while now. The new one is very nice and shiny but I have decided to only start using it once I've worked my notice period at Kings, to symbolise a new start! (Plus to avoid clogging up the new one with all the unwanted software detritus that employers demand, oh how I look forwards to never having to use microsoft teams ever again)
Walk 4 of 12, East Croydon to Purley with Alice Bell, who is basically a walking encyclopedia of cool environmental facts. Had a really fun time learning about trackside solar and talking about how to make public transit more appealing... Plus big American trains. Ah, what a daydream to have...
Sometimes I wonder if I'm not cut out to be a full time freelancer based on how much of a bloody worrier I am...
I'm not the only one having a career crisis apparently. A close friend ponders retraining in botany, and the phrase 'new and different aches' resurfaces as we think about the toll of different kinds of labour on our bodies.
Walk 5/12 with Alex Sillitoe, talking about the commuter experience, and walking by far the grimmest section of the route so far, Purley to Merstham. We cross the M25!
That walk was my first time in 'the countryside' for a long time, and hey guess what, it still sucks. (To be fair, that particular part of the countryside isn't exactly the best the UK has to offer)
I have never experienced hayfever before and maybe I'm not even experiencing it now (no sneezing, watery eyes etc), but there is SOMETHING in the air that, approximately once every 48 hours, and often when I'm out in the park, gives me an absolutely debilitating coughing fit. This has been happening for weeks now. I have repeatedly tested (as best as my tiny nose and terrible gag reflex will allow), and like... I don't think I have covid. But there's something really horrible in the air...
I'm glad we've mostly stopped talking about Matt Hancock now.
Apparently the fans hated this movie. What if 'the fans' were wrong?!
Everyone else can quit trying, they finally achieved the pinnacle of condiment perfection.
Walk 6/6 (halfway to Brighton, in walks if not quite in miles!) with Sarah Cole — Merstham to Horley. This one was somehow waaaaayyyy longer than I was expecting, but glorious company and lots to discuss. Slightly more pleasant surroudings than the last one too, though I have no desire to live anywhere near here.
And with that, into July. We have to put on a 'work in progress' exhibition next week as part of my MA, and for now I am mostly flailing wildly as I try and prepare for that. Hopefully slightly more coherant tales next month....
