Onwards!
I started my June with... a fashion crisis? In truth, this wasn't a brand new thing, and it was less of a crisis and more of a growing discontentment. I think that every 7 or 8 years of my adult (or even entire?!) life, I've fairly fundamentally rethought how I want to dress. My early twenties faded from college's 'new rave' into a heavy reliance on greys, blacks and browns, short skirts, baggy tops, and many layers. In my mid/late twenties I realised that the most flattering aesthetic for me was a 50's pin up silouhette (nipped in waist and flared hips, drawing attention away from still-much-loathed breasts), and I leaned into that with abandon, slowly building up a wardrobe full of 50s style dresses in bold colours, and matching the rest of my accessories and warm layers accordingly. On some level, I still love this, and it's certainly what my wardrobe is full of.
But over the last few months I've found myself chafing against it — literally and metaphorically. I've put on weight during lockdown ('Corona curves' as I heard someone affectionately refer to the phenomenon)... Not loads, but enough that I feel discontented and uncomfortable in many of my clothes.
It's caused me to rethink my desired silouhette, and alongside that, to consider whether the rest of my aesthetic still aligns with my aspirations. I'm in my 30's now. Do I still want to wear novelty prints? (Kind of yes but also kind of no?)
I'm worried that my desired changes are based purely on my current weight (which is transient and fluctuating), but change is fun, so I'm leaning into it, and trying to figure out some new things that might work for me.
Starting with... MOM JEANS (or indeed, trousers full stop, which have barely made an appearance for the last few years)
Everything just feels a bit much a lot of the time y'know
I doubt I'm alone in this, but my motivation levels have been extremely variable over the last months. Fortunately for my bank balance, I have had flurries of productive work (and have enjoyed doing it), but sometimes it's been hard to do much more than sit like this and go 'uggggghhhhh'
The only thing I will never stop being motivated by is TAKEAWAY THURSDAY (in which me, S and our housemates each take it in turns to choose a takeaway, and we play a small boardgame while we wait for it to arrive.) We have been doing it since the start of lockdown and it is a JOY
Rain still gets me down, y'know.
On June 7th, me and S went out TOGETHER for the first time since like, December?! (Somehow during February and March we mostly just hung out at each others houses before the pandemic, which feels like a wasted opportunity, retrospectively)
We masked up and walked half an hour to a stupidly fancy garden centre in Chelsea where we bought some overpriced succulents. But they are BEAUTIFUL succulents, and I'd never seen anything like some of them before! S is very green fingered, and although I am not, I have always wanted to be, so am tentatively dipping my toe back into houseplant ownership, with their support.
I don't think I mention this in any of my subsequent drawings, but as of mid June, I've been (possibly temporarily) unfurloughed from my main role, which means I'm working mornings again now like a regular adult. Gotta say, much though I missed my colleagues, the whole '80% of your salary for not doing anything' was a pretty sweet deal and I kind of miss it...
Been lucky enough to work on three different logo design projects this month, what fun!
Two of them flowed wonderfully and I felt like a competant and creative designer with nearly 10 years experience under my belt... and one of them was... a mess. So it goes.
Since S moved in, we have the windows open all the time (they consider it essential). I do not like this, because I get cold, but mostly because the road outside my window is LOUD. It's not quite a constant stream of traffic, but during the day you'll rarely get more than 30 seconds without something passing. I'm okay with some of the traffic, but motorbikes can burn in hell tbh
I decided that maybe part of my 'new look' (for want of a less cliched term) was MORE TROUSERS. Unfortunately: belly
Also, do I even want to wear skinny jeans any more? Almost all my trousers are skinny jeans and it all just feels a bit... normy? So, perhaps on a whim that I will regret, I GOT RID OF ALL THE SKINNY JEANS
Maybe the real problem is the ferocity of my passion for Flamin' Hot Wotsits
(No, but really vegan pals, this is it. The perfect snack has been crafted. I can't deal with these levels of perfection. Michelin Star. The highest heights have been reached.)
Not neccesarily part of the 'new look', but maybe still a part of my slow slide ever further into my thirties... Bought myself a wheely granny trolley and I LOVE IT. (Mostly because all the good supermarkets are like half an hour or an hour's walk away and I can't get public transport right now)
PLEASE
NO
My friend Lucy (aka Marmor Paperie) is starting to run some zoom marbling classes. Me and some other pals were guinea pigs, but unfortunately I had the wrong kind of ink so it didn't really work. I still had fun though.
I like takeaway Thursdays at home but you know what I also liked? GOING OUT TO EAT AND GOING TO GIGS AND GOING TO ART MUSEUMS AND SEEING MY FRIENDS
Had a kind of non-specific achey bad feels day but luckily nothing felt particularly like COVID so I could just lean into being miserable without also feeling scared
I walked for like an hour up to Kensington because I wanted to go to the big Wholefoods as a treat, but when I got there, H&M was open, and I went in
It was pretty quiet. Sanitised my hands on the door. Didn't really get close to anyone else. Fitting rooms were closed so I bought two pairs of trousers, one of which were way too small (bloody H&M) and the other of which were kind of comically unflattering but also extremely comfortable and S said I looked cute, so I kept them.
Felt kind of weird about it. Completely non-essential but I really enjoyed looking at some clothes and feeling a little normal, even though, I hasten to add, things are NOT normal and I really shouldn't be acting like they are. Ugh.
Over the last few months, but lockdown in particular, I've been trying to, for the first time ever, actually adopt some kind of skin care regime. I've been pretty lucky in that for most of my life I've done literally nothing to my skin, and in return it has blessed me with barely any spots, oil, dryness, or any of the other bad stuff. But latterly my face has started getting dryer and dryer, my hands have struggled with soreness for the last few winters, and my legs get dry too for some reason, (plus my feet are gross and calloused from years of walked too far and not really taking care of them) so I am actually making a concerted effort to care for myself.
In order to make it sufficiently appealing that I persist, I have picked out products whose smells are either divine in their own right, or who evoke strong and specific memories for me. I'm really enjoying it so far.
Charlie's limp didn't get any better, and the vets feared he may have the beginnings of arthritis or hip dysplasia, so he had x-rays under general anaesthetic. Luckily, neither of those things, just some slight abnormality around one hip that appeared to be having an acute flare up, but which is hopefully treatable with anti-inflammatories.
For the boy, a strange day out of which he has little memory, but which he returned from in the evening thoroughly discombobulated and bemused. (He's on short walks only at the moment which is super weird given how used I am to being out with him all the time.)
Sorry to be boring, just thinking about this some more and trying to quantify this new aesthetic (from a place of being stuck at home unable to access shops and sort of having to imagine it and plan what I might buy when I can...)
It got really hot back there, hey.
I enjoyed wearing these ridiculous shorts which I've had for YEARS and never felt quite right previously but suddenly do. Also a top which shows my belly, which feels counterintuitive right now, but also looked super cute, so fine.
What a weird summer, eh.
30 degree plus weather can do one though, much though I am loathe to ever complain about the sun.
So I wanted to return the H&M jeans that didn't fit, and was loath to walk two hours again to do so. At the moment my housemate has her car here from her parents because she's been moved to work at a different hospital that's too far to travel by public transport.
We decided to take advantage of this fact aaaaannnnnd... go to stupid big Westfields shopping centre to huff in a load of other people's germs?!!?
I dunno. It was probably a bad thing to do.
We masked up. We kept distance. (It was incredibly busy so this was hard at times). We disinfected a million times. I got a whole bunch of exciting new clothes that actually do fit this time, and now I'm gonna hide at home again for as long as I can. (It was really really really really nice to go out and I feel really really really really bad about it)
Did have to go and do a grocery shop though. With my wheely trolley. On the way home, had a long phone chat with a good friend, which made me happy. Also feeling SUPER CUTE in some of my new non-skinny-jean trousers.
FROWNY FACE. But it's okay. Just gotta keep going.
(As an aside, quite pleased with how much this does actually look like grumpy Emma. Maybe like 7 years of doing a drawing every day is actually starting to pay off, huh)
