October 2022

I've been thinking a lot about my daily documentation practice recently. I can't see myself stopping my visual diaries, but I also feel like, somehow, the more interesting my 'work work' gets, the less interesting my visual diaries get. I originally started doing them to make sure that I was getting some freeform creativity every day, even where my job was a bit dull or uncreative (plus to gain skills)... But maybe it's still important to force myself to think about my days in interesting ways. (I am thinking of stopping my photo a day project at the end of the year, though that will make it 9 years and I feel like I should push for 10, ha).

In part it's because I feel like I'm working so much I'm barely doing anything interesting outside of that, so maybe I should draw a bit more about my work, I don't know. Or maybe I should actually try and get some work-life balance so that I can have the energy and time to go places and see stuff again and then draw about that... Who could say :)

Something that I also like though, is staying at home and eating tasty food, which luckily I DO get to do often.

I've been finding it hard this month to keep up swimming as much as I'd like to. My local pool only has early morning sessions (as established here, NO), one single lunchtime session from 12 – 1 which is when I usually go, but doesn't work on my teaching days as it's too late for me to get to uni after, and evening sessions (don't wanna swim after dinner)... This is kind of annoying as it's the only meaningful exercise I really do (increasingly realising I'm deluding myself to think riding an electric bike is meaningfully 'exercise' which is probably why I like it so much)

I got to do some super fun teaching about designing speculative futures, which is an area I've been lucky to just dabble in previously. It FELT like I delivered some really good content, I guess I'll only really know when I see how good the students outcomes are at the end of this project though?!

Treated myself to some stupidly shaped trousers from Cos as I slide ever more into art school teacher cliche

I volunteered months ago to travel down to Brighton as a 'responsible adult' on an away weekend for Quaker teenagers. It sounded really fun when I signed up, but teaching is tiring and the thought of not really having any downtime at the weekend was really stressing me out. (Not to mention I didn't know when I signed up that there were to be NO SHOWERS OR REAL BEDS, hell)

Anyway, at the last minute one of the other responsible adults let us know that his wife had COVID, and what did he think we should do. My response was 'well I'm not hanging out with you thankyouverymuch', but everyone else felt absolutely fine about it, so I ended up dropping out (with everyone's blessing). It made me feel kind of silly for being so petty, but like, I still really don't want to get COVID?! I know I'm almost certainly going to get it again because I spend three afternoons a week in a room with 50 students, but like, I'm still gonna go out of my way to avoid spending time with someone who has a known contact. I felt pretty guilty about it, even though skipping the trip did make my life a LOT easier.

My partner got this Monstera a while ago and it's suffered a number of mishaps since then, but it's still soldiering on.

Still feeling guilty for skipping out on that trip, I decided I should do SOMETHING worthwhile with my weekend. I wanted to continue with my capital ring walks, but I've been struggling to get to the starting point of the next one because every time I try, there's either train strikes, or rail replacement buses or something. So in the meantime, I started walking the length of the Wandle river, which is a lot easier to get to from here, and really enjoyed it.

Having said that I'm enjoying cycling, I am still extremely not enjoying the experience of dicing with death on every trip, in fact, it's making me really not want to go out on my bike. Between cars, other cyclists, and London's surprisingly potholed roads, every trip feels like taking my life in my hands, and I hate it. Because of where I live, I often have to navigate around Vauxhall's huge intersection, and though it's far from the worst place for cyclists, it's also far from the best. There's also a number of different ways to tackle it, and I did manage to find a slightly less perilous route through.

Was nice to see an old friend visiting from up North! Especially nice to have a chat with another 'creative practitioner' who recently started teaching at university level. Still feels like I'm just winging it a bit sometimes, but reassured after chatting about it all that maybe I actually do know what I'm doing...

I think I've mentioned this before, but I go through phases where I absolutely CANNOT face sitting at my desk. At the moment it's proving particularly hard, given that three days a week I'm only working from home in the morning... It's like... well why WOULD I get up and get dressed and sit in a real chair if I'm just going out at 12?! I know it's probably not good for me, and yet it feels so good :)

Talking of potholes, my absolute least favourite stretch of road to cycle (that I've found so far) is the stretch along past the US Embassy and the fancy rich-people towers with the 'sky pool'. It's an absolute death trap of grit, wonky manhole covers, gigantic potholes and uneven surfaces, and I HATE IT

In a rare turn of events, my partner wanted to go see some art (they normally hate leaving the house and have little interest in art). It was a show of work by turn of the century Lithuanian painter MK Čiurlionis at Dulwich picture gallery, and we really enjoyed it! He was working in an almost 'fantasy' style using surprisingly cheap materials, and he died incredibly young, so despite having prolific output in his lifetime, it was hard not to feel that he hadn't really reached his full potential.

We also enjoyed griping about Dulwich Village, the poshest place in South London (?)

Pleased to report, it's tea season again! (For me who only drinks herbal teas for half the year when it's cold)

Please?!

Payback for relaxing morning is STRESSFUL AFTERNOON

Me and the dog are united on three things. (Actually probably more things if I really get deep into it)

Been doing this silly series on my instagram where I take self portraits in convex mirrors, here's a drawn one. (Digitally, as I was away!)

An unflattering double chin drawing of me cuddling my sweet sister (went to visit my parents and their dog Fern) We have both got a bit pudgy tbh, but my parents won't admit the dog could stand to lose some weight :)

Swung by Worthing on my way home the next day to see Heidi and Harriet, eat great bunch and look at the sea!

Was getting repeatedly confused by the layout of the tower block at LCC before realising there are two staircases RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER running side by side in opposite directions, but never intersecting. It is hard to explain and I have never seen anything like this before in any other building. 

Had a very efficient day and was heading briskly home on the northern line when I realised I'd left my bloody charger at LCC. Raging. (Karma for the other day when a student did the same and I thought 'I would never be so irresponsible, those things cost like £70)

 Arrived early for Samaritans night shift and realised I'd forgotten to do my visual diary.

I just think it's kinda wild that for a month or two every year the public can just buy explosives and set them off wherever and whenever they want with pretty much no consequences. (I am mostly pissed off because Chase is terrified of them, and if I take her out to go to the toilet and she hears even a distant bang she gets too scared to go... It's becoming increasingly hard to find a five minute window when someone's not setting one of the damn things off)

Managed to carve out a day for errands/self care. My beloved Brighton hairdresser retired and I am devastated! Every other hairdresser I've ever been to fails to understand my slightly weird hair type (Very coarse! Very thick! Holds a lot of water! Dries unpredictably!) and gives me a mediocre haircut because of it. Most hairdressers also wanna style me a bit more femme than I entirely want, so I decided to give Open Barbers (the queer hairdresser in East London) a shot. They were LOVELY, everyone there is really hot, and even if they still probably didn't entirely understand my hair, they did a decent job and didn't just try and give me a bob and a fringe like everyone else always does. (Also the way they structure their service is super consent based, so they're like, constantly getting out a mirror to show you the back, telling you what they're doing and why etc, which is really nice.)

I also took my bike to the bike shop, gave blood, and did some other bits and bobs I'd been struggling to find time for!

I am extremely un-green-fingered but I love plants, so I feel very lucky to live with someone who takes such good care of so many plant pals that I get to enjoy too!

I was going to have a lazy Sunday at home, but my housemate Camille was going to Kew Gardens for their Mexico event, and she was able to get me a civil service guest discount, so I decided to go along too! Saw a Mariachi band in one of the glasshouses and got some early Christmas shopping done (plus lots of walking). A lovely unexpected treat.

Spent this afternoon doing my first session of one-to-one tutorials — 9 x 20 min tutorials with students to chat about their current project progress. Was really fun and felt like I did good, but by the end I felt like DEATH. Just draining doing a long talk? Didn't drink enough? Or have I finally succumbed to an autumn lurgy? (Kind of amazed to have held out this long tbh, as I assumed I'd immediately catch something in Freshers week). I guess I'll leave you on that cliffhanger of 'is Emma sick or not', ugggh

September 2022

I will concede, as I tap away at this blog from my bed on a Friday evening, having worked an extraordinarily long week (and expecting to have to throw in several more hours down the graphic design mines tomorrow), that it's possible I am doing TOO MUCH.

One of the many lingering, ominous feelings I have, is that I've got rubbish at being a friend. I am so lucky to have so many friends and I love them all. I like people. I like thinking about my friends and celebrating their successes and laughing at their jokes and sitting quietly in the same room as them while we chill out and do our own tasks. But somehow going OUT and being SOCIAL has become achingly exhausting and I do it now probably about 20% as much as I did pre COVID. I worry that this is the road to losing friends in the long run, but I'm struggling to be better right now. Sorry pals. Anyway, I DID do some social stuff, like going out for a wonderful dinner with my friends Heidi and Rosie at Mallow near Borough Market (I thought it was GREAT but they both ordered the same thing and thought it was a bit rubbish, oh well)

I bought a new desk work stool at the end of last month, but I regret to inform you, new stool is BAD. Or maybe new stool is in fact, good?! But everything else about my desk setup is incompatible with it because it's too tall, which means it's bad and I probably wasted my money, but I'm keeping it because I like it in THEORY and hope one day it might be useful?!

Got the free face mask from Lush, the minty one, not sure if it does anything good, but I like the process

Met a new Borrow My Doggy friend — he's a beautiful boy but he's naughty. I hope we'll see him again but I've been so busy we haven't had the chance to hang out more than twice! He's a similar form factor to Chase but much skinner, which is kind of disconcerting.

Please

Had a meeting at the RSA, ooooh. They have lovely stairs n floors n stuff

'lol' / 'oh well'

Obviously an entirely helpful brain function when one is extremely tired and over-worked is to lie awake thinking about those things in the early hours of the morning. (More about exactly WHY I have bitten off more than I can chew later)

Back when I had NOT bitten off more than I could chew, I volunteered to lead my local Quaker Meeting House's contribution to the London Open Houses Festival. The Open Houses festival is basically a couple of weeks (or weekends) where all sorts of normally private cool buildings in London open their doors to the public. Part of the current Wandsworth Quaker Meeting House were built in 1778, and it's a building and plot of land with a lot of super interesting history. We opened for two Saturdays, and I organised all the volunteers and was generally 'in charge' during the times we were open, which was kind of stressful! But the Quakers are always lovely and it was nice to spend the two days sitting in a lovely building on the last warm-ish days of the year, chatting with interesting and interested folks. (I made a very tiny flower display out of the absolute last flowers of the year in the garden)

And here's me trying to remember the names of my many new F/friends — though I attended this Quaker meeting for a few months when I first moved to London in September 2019, I mostly kept myself to myself — then I entirely stopped going during the pandemic, and after Charlie died I was too upset to do 'God stuff' for a long time. But I've started going again recently and I am trying to actually be part of the community there now.

Several months ago, willing Samaritans were briefed on the Queen's inevitablly imminent demise (they assured us they didn't know she was going to die soon, but I don't think they'd have briefed us if they didn't have a sense of things maybe being upcoming...) 

I'm mostly in the 'abolish the monarchy' camp and couldn't care less about the Queen dying, but I figured this made me relatively well placed to support mourners in a Samaritans capacity, given that I myself wouldn't be in any way emotional.

I believe volunteers in the floral garden had a lot of meaningful contacts, likewise volunteers who were meeting mourners leaving the lying in state area, and those in the accessible queue found many people greatly in need of emotional support. But I joined the main part of the queue, before it started moving, which meant it was the keenest, and seemingly, most steeled and actually borderline cheery queen fans were there. Though I had lots of interesting conversations, there was no one who I'd really describe as SAD, the whole thing actually had quite festival vibes to it, like people were queuing for a sporting event or something.

It was definitely an interesting thing to be part of, and I know the Samaritans did provide a lot of support to people over those 10 days, just maybe not me specifically, oh well!

I haven't been cycling much this month and I feel bad about it. I didn't draw a diary about it but I got slammed off my bike in the middle of a junction by an errant JustEat courier on an electric bike in early September. He was totally in the wrong, which I guess is heartening, but still meant I was the one who ended up lying on the tarmac being picked up by passers by, while he happily cycled off. I wasn't really injured — scraped hand, massive bruises all down my hip and leg, plus achey for days, but really nothing major... And my bike was fine. But, perhaps unsurprisingly, it's put me off. Cycling was already an adrenaline filled experience for me, and having — less than two months into doing it regularly — already been hit off my bike despite doing nothing wrong, it's hard to summon up the desire to do it when I could just, y'know, get a GLORIOUS TRAIN. Plus it's getting colder, and rainier. But I do have this lovely bike, so I am really trying to force myself to do it as often as I can, I just wish it wasn't so damn scary.

(Anyway this is just a drawing about the stupid faces I pull while cycling)

Me and Heidi went to see Teebs with the London Contemporary Orchestra, at the Southbank Centre! Last time I saw Teebs was in a damp basement in Manchester and it was all glittery beats and dreams of LA nightclubs. This was a much more elegant, sedate affair, with precisely zero beats and lots of soaring strings, while seated in big comfortable chairs. I miss beats but I don't miss standing. I guess this is what it means to be old. (Artwork inspired by Teebs' own paintings)

Me and my partner alternate the weeks of shopping. They insist on doing theirs with Ocado. I use Sainsburys because Ocado suuuuuuuucks

"And we'll all remember what we did on this momentous day" — well I will, because I did a stupid drawing about it, same as I do every day

When I first met my partner, I was both horrified and impressed by their meticulous use of Google Calendar to run every aspect of their life. Now I too am that person, though neccesity rather than desire. (I am into it though) I feel like I've done a few visual diaries like this, because I kind of love how it looks.

One of my favourite boardgames (well, card games really) is Arboretum. I almost never win and yet somehow I'm still obsessed with TRYING.

Self care? I've never heard of her

Travelled up to York to see my faaaaavs — Dav and Justin, and by lucky coincidence, Davey too, all the way from Montana! (We had been planning to hang out in London a few days later, but Davey had to head back to the US early so I was lucky to catch him). This group of people are my ROCK/s and it is depressingly rare that I get to see them all in the same room, so this was a lovely treat. 

The reason I was up north was to table at Leeds zine fair the next day! Had a great time seeing other old friends who I don't get to see often enough (maybe I did okay in that respect this month actually?!), eating goodies and buying zines. (Selling some too, but as always, never really enough to make the whole thing worthwhile financially, but that's not why we do it...)

It was a flying visit though, home the same evening so that I could spend all day Sunday lying still and cuddling my dog, before...

FIRST DAY IN A NEW JOB, WHAAAT

So yeah, hot news for September, got hired as an 'associate lecturer' at LCC where I did my masters. DELIGHTED, frankly, bc I've always kinda wanted to do higher ed teaching, but never thought I'd be smart enough to get there. Am I smart enough now?! Only time will tell!

Associate lecturer is a zero hours role, where basically you're in a 'pool' that people can call upon when needed, so you might or might not actually get any work. I was excited enough to be in that pool, EVEN MORE excited to be invited to teach two afternoons a week on the second year of BA Graphic Media Design course (from now until late January), with a specific focus on Design Activism. (I am also teaching a third afternoon on a cross-course Professional Practices module, which is where I espouse the virtues of things like a really fuckin' organised google calendar)

This was my first day teaching the GMD cohort, and it's a very particular kind of fun. Like really fun but also exhausting?! Emma is a teacher now. Who'da thunk

Monday and Thursday afternoons are BA GMD, and Tuesday afternoons are Professional Practice. In both instances, I am co-teaching rooms of around 50 students with another more experienced tutor, so it's not too stressful (though it is a bit). Love to build a whole new set of paranoias around how I am perceieved by 'the kids' :)

Anyway, THIS is why I have bitten off more than I can chew, this is why I am so busy, this is why I am so stressed, but... it's worth it?! The money is sufficiently good that it's worth dropping everything for, but I also kind of CAN'T drop everything, because, come January, they might not need me any more when all the modules change over, and then it's back to my 1.5 day a week studio role at GFSC and my freelance work. The sensible thing to do in this moment would be to drop some freelance clients, but come January, I might desperately need them. So, I am doing it all, and trying not to burn out in the process. Wish me luck?!

London is beautiful in Autumn. Having a job that actually ties me to the city is starting to make me (finally?!) feel like I deserve to be here. Like I can actually build a home here in the long run. Hell, if they keep hiring me, maybe I could even actually BUY a (small, shit) home (in a few years time). That has NEVER felt possible before, so I do feel a bit glowy inside about it, despite the fact that the economy is crumbling around me as I speak...

(I haven't shared as many drawings as usual this month, mostly because quite a few of them were just shit?! Guess the workload has gotta take its toll somewhere, but I will keep visual diarying no matter what...)