Anyway, my computer informs me it's nearly May, so here we go with the April drawings...
Games have seemed like a good way to get through the loneliness. It may be possible to have too much of a good thing (I'm not playing this much every day!) but well dispersed boardgames with housemates and online game sessions with distant pals are definitely helping. They provide structure to online video chats that I find very useful, and provide a nice shared social fun thing to bond over.
That day, (and every day tbh) still playing a lot of my fav mobile game Two Dots... Some fun two-player games with S, including remote collaborative bomb defusing game Keep Talking and Nobody Explodes, and what has rapidly become both of our favourite online iteration of a boardgame — Galaxy Trucker. (It holds up surprisingly well to the IRL version!)
Plenty of rummikub with my housemates Beatrice and Tabitha, and then my friend Hannah organised a frankly astounding online 'Two Rooms and a Boom' (Two Zooms and a Boom — perfection)... There were around 30 people, and I got one of the key (secret) roles, which was super fun. What a treat!
In other gaming news, I am playing my first RPG! If not now, when? S is GMing, and the other adventurers are Justin, Dav and Heidi. We're working with the Quest framework, which touts itself as a great jumping off point for beginners (which all of us but Justin are). S is doing an incredible job at first time GMing, and I love everyone else's characters. This is mine — her name is Amabilis (Mab for short), she's 3'4", she's part goat (this was right after the story about the goats in Llandudno was doing the rounds). She's the group's Spy, and her look is 'health goth'. She describes herself as a pacifist but is surprisingly willing to get fighty over the stupidest things. She comes from a remote archipelago where it rains a lot, and her people are known for never leaving it. Her ultimate motivation is the dream of setting up a bouldering centre on some cliffs somewhere sunny (she loves climbing). So, her ultimate motivation is money. We've had three or four sessions now and it's a whole lot of fun, and although it'd be lovelier IRL, it's a very sweet remote activity.
Since April 1st, I've been furloughed from my role at Kings, meaning my only work requirements are sparse freelance projects. In order to maintain my sanity I've tried to construct a pretty thorough/precise week-daily routine, and am making sure I stick to it. I get out of bed at 8.30 and take the boy for a wee, then I have a leisurely breakfast/phone scroll in bed. At 10, I take the boy out for a 2 hour walk. Before all this, I did most of my walking around Battersea Park. It's lovely, but realistically I was wearying of it somewhat, and in the current situation it's become kind of unbearable. Because it's the nicest green space for quite some distance, it's pretty full of people all day. And yes, everyone needs their exercise, and yes, everyone is (mostly) keeping an appropriate distance, but I realised I don't NEED to be in that park, and dodging runners and hyperactive toddlers just ain't the one for me.
Plus, what a wonderful opportunity to get to know the area within approx 3 miles of my house?!
So, each morning, I choose a direction, I choose an interesting end point, and I go. I feel incredibly priviledged to live here in Battersea, it feels like there's so much I can get to. This month we've walked to Buckingham Palace, St. James Park, Kensington Palace, Hyde Park, Putney, Brompton cemetary, Balham, Earlsfield... There's interesting stuff of various varieties in every direction, and walking along the quiet, residential streets has proven to be the best way for me and Charlie to get our much needed daily exercise, while barely having to interact with anyone else. Kensington/Chelsea in particular are SO quiet. It's incredibly eerie and peaceful and I'm enjoying building up my walking strength again (it was rare for me to take walks this long since leaving Yorkshire)
So... S came over. We ummed and ahhed about the rights and wrongs of it for a while — obviously we shouldn't be seeing each other. But they live in one tiny room in a slightly grim HMO, there's barely room for them to stretch out in the space around their bed/desk, and the combination of solitude and tiny enclosed space was quite obviously not treating them well. We live about 9 miles apart, but they cycle, so no public transport needed to be involved. They came and stayed for three days and I think it did both of us a world of good, but obviously, neither of us feel great about it.
They bought with them some of their warmer weather clothes that needed fixing, which I'd said I'd help them with. It's been ages since I used my sewing machine so I was a bit anxious about messing it up, but was delighted to get it perfect, first time (and some of the things were quite fiddly!)... Nearly enough to motivate me to do some more sewing, I do have several projects in mind...
Anyway. They're gone much too fast. And this is the last time I saw them. I know people have it much worse, but we're still definitely in that new relationship infatuation stage... Although I've done long distance relationships before, it feels particularly sharply painful to be so geographically close and yet unable to be together. But I am lucky, they are sweet and attentive and we talk a lot every day. I just have to be patient.
For someone who is normally a prolific errands runner, I have really condensed everything down to just two or three days this month where I had to go out and 'do stuff' (normally I'd be out running some errand or other most days). It's been interesting to see the change in body language during 'handovers' and to really consider the process and frequency with which we pass objects to one another.
In an act of, I think, astounding generosity, S left their Switch (and Animal Crossing) at my house. As mentioned, they haven't been back — I still have it. While I am desperate to see them again, I also... might be... addicted to Animal Crossing. I'm not even sure how I'd have got through this month without it. It is wildly soothing, eats up the hours, and gives me a stupid sense of achievement when I can barely focus on anything else. Thanks Nintendo (and S, obvs)
Lots more of this.
Did this drawing of me n the boy in our space. I have my work desk in the living room, but since all this started I've been weirdly reluctant to sit at it. I've been finding that what little productivity I can summon comes best to me here, in my armchair, in my room, in the sunshine. The boy curls up on the bed and snoozes while I try and achieve things. I'm so incredibly lucky to have such a beautiful room in such a nice house.
This is a Welsh phrase which means, literally, 'the sun will shine on the mountain again', but the metaphor is 'Things will get better'. I'd seen it doing the rounds quite a lot in Welsh friends profile pictures/childrens rainbow art etc, and it reminded me how lovely/relevant it is, so decided to do my own version.
EASTER! I thought I wasn't gonna have an egg for the first time ever, but my incredibly sweet housemate Tabitha surprised me with a Bourneville one. Also Beatrice made us crepes. A++ lovely day (considering)
Mask wearing commences. (I ordered them a while ago but they only just arrived)
When I first unwrap them they smell really horrible, but after washing them, they're fine. Maybe I even... quite like wearing them?! On hotter days they're a bit unpleasant, but the pros still outweigh the cons I think... (I don't believe for a moment that the mask is offering ME any protection btw, I am wearing it to protect others)
There are a huge variety and diversity of council estates within walking distance of my house. In many cases, the architecture is beautiful/fascinating. As a child who grew up in the countryside, I always fantasised about living in one of these 'utopian' high rises, streets in the sky etc... Obviously I now know a lot more about the complexity of these estates, but there's still a part of me that always dreams of living somewhere like this.
Things I miss.
I continue to really enjoy my long walks. Exploring London on foot like this is a joy and a privilege that I do not underestimate. This is a beautiful city, and before all of this I was living it in the ways I had imagined I would — riding trains, going to parties, dating, seeing music in sweaty dark rooms, strolling awestruck around beautiful galleries and other public spaces...
This change of pace has me seeing London in a different, more intimate, close-quarters kind of way. Unable to stray far, I am focussing intently on everything I see on my daily outings. I remember looking at the city like this when I first left North Wales, aged 19. I produced prolific sketchbooks documenting everything I saw and thought. It's been positive to kind of be forced back into these ways of seeing, from a need to keep my brain stimulated. (Shame it's not manifesting into more worthwhile creative output, sigh)
A recreation of my favourite rainbow artwork seen in a window so far.
Best thing in life is each other.
As mentioned, I'd been attempting to condense my errands down to the bare minimum. My housemate Tabitha works for the NHS, and in order to avoid public transport, she's got her old car back from her parents place to commute each day. We weighed up the pros and cons and decided that it would be sensible for me, her and Beatrice to drive to a big supermarket, do a BIG shop (i.e. two weeks groceries for each of us, which is more than either me or Beatrice could physically carry home in one shop), and then that would minimise the number of times we'd have to venture into public spaces for the next couple of weeks. We knew we'd have to do our shop seperately, as groups aren't meant to go together, so we were ready to queue individually and go in as individuals. But there was a PLAIN CLOTHES Sainsburys man stood watching the car park who saw us get out of the car together, and was like 'Two of you have to go back to the car!'... And it was like... we're not a family?! We cook and eat seperately. We live entirely seperate lives. We have totally different grocery habits. We were just ride sharing to enable us to shop more efficiently. And he was like, angrily 'IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ARE THE PROBLEM', and like... okay?! Way to make us feel shitty for doing what we thought was the best thing?!
In the end, after a SUBSTANTIAL lecture, he was like 'okay here's what you can do. One of you can go in, shop, and once they come out, the next of you can go in, shop, and then once they come out, the third of you can do your shop. Like wtf?! Lengthening our shop by three times?! So I went in first and was REALLY STRESSED because I felt like I needed to rush round so I forgot/couldn't find loads of things. He eventually felt guilty and let the other two in before I came out, but not after another long lecture and he said that if we were seen together in the store 'security will kick you out and you'll be banned'.
Idk, the whole thing was just really unpleasant, we intentionally came at a quiet time (and it was quiet!) in the way which we truly believed was most efficient, and we just got yelled at by some wannabe cop.
It's hard though innit. Maybe he was right and we were wrong. We certainly won't be doing that again, anyway. (Obviously online deliveries would be best, and was what I always used to do, but I'm not on any priority lists so no slots available from any of them)
Despite my long walks, I'm feeling a lack of real exercise just now. (Especially given all the crap I keep eating) I quit running at the start of all this... I dunno, it just feels like a really obnxious thing to me right now? I know a lot of people seem to need to do it to feel okay but I just felt horrible doing it, it feels very intrusive/space-taking in a way which I personally don't feel comfortable with right now. I'm mindful of the fact that I am not getting ANY cardio, and am much more sedentary than I would usually be, so I've been trying to do some home workouts. It's... horrible?! My... thighs!? Are so? Present?!
I can walk to Buckingham Palace in about 45 mins to an hour. It's VERY WEIRD right now. The bit out the front, usually packed with tourists, is completely deserted, with nothing but the echoing footsteps of the guards as they still pace around. I feel lucky to have got to see such a strange sight.
In case you didn't know, BBC4 have been screening the old Bob Ross shows. They're incredibly soothing, as you probably all do know.
Dogs, they are the best of us.
All the walking took its toll. Well, I made one stupid mistake (wore thin socks one day with my walking books), which led to the first blister, then I couldn't wear my walking boots so I switched shoes and got more blisters. Booo. Luckily I still have a few supportive dog walking pals from Borrow My Doggy living nearby who have been able to help out, to give my poor horrible feet some time to heal.
All that restless energy from not walking the boy manifested itself into CHORE
Got to the 'reorganising my stationery' stage of boredom. Found the giant sports direct mug which apparently exists in every house and put it to good use.
Played a fun game of the Resistance with some lovely folks.
Honestly the lovely weather this month has done SO much to help keep the sads at bay. I guess we were due a bit of rain though.
After my two hour walk, the next part of my daily routine is 10 mins 'Melodics' practice, half an hour or so of Duolingo (Japanese and German), and some dance lesson videos. In a month I have successfully learned all the Hiragana characters! Now for ALL THE THOUSANDS OF OTHERS
I'm doing okay. But I am sad, and tired.
After my music, language and dance practice, I make myself some lunch. Often trash. I am eating badly. But I enjoy it.
Then I settle down in my armchair and try and do any work I need to do. There's a little each day. An income stream still trickles in, and I am incredibly thankful to all freelance clients who are still sending me work over this period. (I'm on my 80% furlough salary for the 2.5 days a week I work for Kings, and my freelance work is, I'd estimate, 40 – 50% the amount I usually have).
If there's no paid work I try and make sure I'm working on personal projects, or writing letters, or doing chores. Other 'productive' things.
At around 18.00, either I take Charlie for another walk, or my landlord does (my landlord loves Charlie, and vice versa, and since lockdown, he and his kids have been taking the boy out four nights a week, which has been a HUGE help).
If I'm not taking Charlie out, I play some animal crossing, maybe do another workout.
When Charlie gets back, I make and eat my dinner.
I do my drawings (this visual diary and another daily drawing project I've got on the go during lockdown, more on that later...)
Then I play some more animal crossing, watch TV, and cuddle the boy until bed. Maybe me and S play some games. Occasionally there's a social zoom thing.
Repeat, day in, day out.
There's a quiet kind of contentment to it. But also monotony and longing. I am lucky that I get to be so comfortable over this period and I am trying to appreciate that, and not think of everything I miss. But sometimes it weighs heavy.
Onwards, to May.
